Life is full of ups and downs—moments of joy, moments of challenge, and everything in between. We often believe that we can only feel OK once things change—when the moment is different, when we fix a problem, heal from pain, change our emotional state, or get life to go the way we want. But true peace isn’t about waiting for ourselves, circumstances, or the world to be perfect; it’s about learning to be OK within ourselves, even when circumstances are difficult.
This doesn’t mean forcing positivity or pretending that struggles don’t exist. It means allowing ourselves to experience life fully, without resistance, knowing that we don’t have to be ruled by our emotions or circumstances. It means trusting that no matter what is happening, we have the ability to meet it with presence, steadiness, and even love.
Why This Matters
When we stop fighting against reality and instead meet it with openness, something shifts. We suffer less—not because the world changes instantly, but because we stop exhausting ourselves with resistance. We feel calmer, clearer, and more connected. We learn that we can navigate even the hardest moments without losing ourselves. And paradoxically, when we bring this steady, accepting presence to life, things often do improve over time—not because we force them to, but because we move from a place of clarity rather than fear.
How Inner Buoys Can Help
When I was learning to be OK even when things weren’t, it often felt like I was finding safety on a floating buoy in the midst of a turbulent ocean of events, emotions and thoughts. At first, I was tossed by the waves, struggling to find steady ground. But over time, I realized that the buoy wasn’t resisting the waves—it was rising and falling with them, staying afloat despite the chaos. The more I connected with that sense of inner steadiness, the more I could allow life’s ups and downs without being swallowed by them. There was always a place within me that was safe and OK, even when everything around me felt unstable.
In challenging moments, we often find ourselves caught in mental loops—fearful thoughts, resistance, or self-doubt. This is where inner buoys come in. These are simple yet powerful words or phrases that help steady us, reconnect us with our inner wisdom, and shift our perspective toward something more supportive.
Some may think of these as restorative perspectives, grounding and guiding thoughts, or steadying statements—whatever wording resonates most with you. The key is that they serve as reminders of what is already true at a deeper level, even when the surface feels turbulent. They do not deny our emotions but create space for us to move through them with more grace and presence.
The mind, particularly the part of us that seeks control or fears uncertainty, may resist these perspectives at first. And that’s OK. We don’t need to argue with ourselves or force belief. Instead, we can simply sit with these statements, breathe, and allow them to settle in. Over time, they can become familiar touchstones—offering stability and reassurance no matter what life brings.
Below is a collection of inner buoys designed to support you in being OK, even when things don’t feel OK. As you explore them, notice which ones speak to you. You don’t have to believe them instantly—just allow yourself to be open to the possibility that they hold something valuable for you.
For each one, I’ve anticipated the ego’s resistance, not to argue with it but to gently understand and dissolve it. Below are several inner buoys, how the ego might object, and why we can still choose to focus on the perspective of the inner buoy.
Let them be a gentle guide back to yourself.
A Collection of Inner Buoys to Find Safety On:
1. “I am safe in this moment.”
- Ego’s Objection: “But I don’t feel safe! What if something bad happens? What if I make the wrong decision?”
- Why We Can Focus on This Perspective: This Inner Buoy shifts attention from an imagined future to the present. It doesn’t deny that fears exist, but it reminds us that, in this exact moment, we are breathing, alive, and have the ability to respond rather than react. The body can begin to relax when it recognizes that nothing is immediately threatening.
2. “This too shall pass.”
- Ego’s Objection: “But what if it doesn’t? What if I’m stuck like this forever? What if things get worse?”
- Why We Can Focus on This Perspective: The truth of impermanence is undeniable—everything changes. No pain, no fear, no situation lasts unchanged. The mind may resist this truth because it wants control, but by focusing on this Inner Buoy, we align with the natural rhythm of life, allowing ourselves to loosen our grip on suffering.
3. “I am here, and that is enough.”
- Ego’s Objection: “No, I need to be doing more! I should be fixing this, making progress, achieving something!”
- Why We Can Focus on This Perspective: The pressure to always “do” is an ingrained societal and survival instinct, but true well-being arises when we remember that being—existing—is already valuable. This Inner Buoy is an invitation to drop the endless striving and rest in the completeness of the present moment.
4. “I allow myself to feel this fully.”
- Ego’s Objection: “No! If I feel this, it will overwhelm me. It’s too much. I need to push it away.”
- Why We Can Focus on This Perspective: The fear of being consumed by an emotion often makes it stronger. However, emotions—when fully allowed—move through us like waves. By using this Inner Buoy, we acknowledge that feelings are not permanent states but visitors passing through. Giving them space allows them to transform.
5. “I trust in life’s unfolding.”
- Ego’s Objection: “But what if life unfolds in a terrible way? What if I lose control? I can’t just trust blindly!”
- Why We Can Focus on This Perspective: Trust doesn’t mean blind optimism; it means recognizing that life has always moved forward, that we’ve survived every past challenge, and that something larger than our limited perspective is at play. Trust isn’t about predicting a perfect outcome—it’s about allowing space for unknown possibilities. Holding onto this Inner Buoy helps us float rather than fight against the waves of life.
6. “I am not my thoughts. I am the awareness behind them.”
- Ego’s Objection: “Of course I’m my thoughts! My thoughts are ME! If I don’t control them, who am I?”
- Why We Can Focus on This Perspective: Thoughts are transient; they come and go. The fact that we can observe them means we are something deeper than them. This Inner Buoy creates space between us and the mind’s chatter, allowing us to respond rather than react.
7. “I release the need to control.”
- Ego’s Objection: “If I don’t control things, everything will fall apart! I have to manage everything.”
- Why We Can Focus on This Perspective: Control is often an illusion. While we have influence over actions, we do not control outcomes, other people, or the flow of life. Releasing control doesn’t mean passivity; it means engaging fully while also allowing life to move as it will. This Inner Buoy helps us surrender to the rhythm of life instead of exhausting ourselves by swimming against the current.
8. “I am allowed to be exactly as I am.”
- Ego’s Objection: “But I should be better, stronger, wiser, more productive, more confident…”
- Why We Can Focus on This Perspective: This Inner Buoy is an antidote to inner criticism. Growth happens best from a place of acceptance, not rejection. We can evolve, learn, and improve while also embracing ourselves right now, exactly as we are.
9. “I welcome uncertainty as part of the journey.”
- Ego’s Objection: “But I need to know what’s going to happen! Uncertainty is dangerous and stressful!”
- Why We Can Focus on This Perspective: The unknown is uncomfortable, but it is also where all possibilities exist. If we knew everything in advance, life would be stagnant. This Inner Buoy helps us see uncertainty not as a threat but as the birthplace of new experiences.
10. “I choose to bring love to this moment.”
- Ego’s Objection: “Love? Right now? But I’m angry/hurt/anxious! This situation doesn’t deserve love.”
- Why We Can Focus on This Perspective: Love isn’t about denying our emotions; it’s about recognizing that we can approach any situation—even difficulty—with compassion. Love doesn’t mean approval; it means bringing a higher state of awareness to what is. This Inner Buoy invites us to rise above reactivity and bring our best self forward.
How to Work with These Inner Buoys
- Notice Resistance, Don’t Fight It – Instead of arguing with the ego, simply notice its objections with curiosity.
- Breathe into the Inner Buoy – Say it slowly, with full breath, allowing its meaning to settle in.
- Experiment & Find What Resonates – Different Inner Buoys will resonate at different times. Allow yourself to switch based on what feels most helpful.
- Anchor the Inner Buoy in the Body – Place a hand on your heart, take a deep breath, and feel its truth rather than just thinking it. Imagine the feeling of gently rising and falling, and even tipping side to side a bit, but always naturally coming back to center.
- Repeat Gently, Not Forcefully – The goal isn’t to override the ego but to create a space where it can soften.
Now, instead of feeling like we are sinking in an overwhelming sea of events, thoughts and emotions, we can learn to float—riding the waves instead of fighting them. Each Inner Buoy is a reminder that even in turbulent times, we have something steady to hold onto, something that helps us stay connected to the part of ourselves that is always OK.